You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
