I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
