I wannas sexs uuuuu
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
