there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
