think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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