My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
