Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love