You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
