You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
