Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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