hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
