I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
