I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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