this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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