I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
