I accidentally had phone sex last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
