i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
