New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
