i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
