I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
