So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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