she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
