don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
