No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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