Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
