you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
