I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
