My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
