He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
