i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
