what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
