Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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