is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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