i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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