also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
