I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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