Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
