I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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