i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
