he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think my moral compass just broke
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
