Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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