I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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