Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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