Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
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