We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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