So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
