This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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