addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
