I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Im part way to drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
