I just saw a hot homeless man
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
