i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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