I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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