OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
