We're like a lot better than the average bears
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
