im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
