I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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