I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
did you just send me my own nude
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
