I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the day after is always just damage control
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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