Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
