I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Randomize
