You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
