am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You are a genius and a whore.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
