You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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