I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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