youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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