Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
