it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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