If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
