i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
