It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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