Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
