Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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