oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
