the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
