I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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