You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
