Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
