I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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